When Words Aren't Enough
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Sometimes it's all about the things you didn't say...Derek/Emily. THREESHOT
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: Hello, Friends. A couple of announcements for all of you. First, you still have approximately two weeks to sign up for "The Masquerade Challenge" for October's on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. We also have a "Freaky Friday" mini-challenge in progress for those interested. Details for both can be found at the forum. We'd love to have all of you sign up. I think we'll have a lot of fun this Halloween Season.**_

_**Second, you all have a little less than a month left to nominate stories for the second Annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards. The nomination ballot, rules and category summaries can be found at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To reach that post please either take a trip to the forum OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, Profiler's Choice CM Awards AND tonnie2001969. Nomination ballots should be PM'd to the Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or the profile pages listed above. PLEASE REMEMBER, WITHOUT NOMINATED STORIES, THERE CAN BE NO AWARDS! SO, PLEASE, COME OUT AND SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FANFIC AUTHORS AND NOMINATE THOSE STORIES. **_

_**ALSO, we would love for our fellow author's to assist us in advertising these awards! Please feel free to copy and paste anything in this author's note or contact us for a pre-written blurb if you like.**_

_**And, please, everyone, feel free to join us over on Facebook! Simply search for "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" and friend me. We have scores of authors connected together and we'd love to see you there! **_

_**As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!**_

_**And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!**_

_*******_** SPECIAL NOTE: For whatever reason, disabled the Profiler's Choice Awards PM system. That means all attempts to submit ballots failed from September 11 - 16. Could you all please help spread the word that anyone who tried to submit a ballot during this period listed above should RESEND their submissions. I am very sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. We really need help reaching all the different ships out there though. So, PLEASE, those willing to help, let me know if you can include this as part of your author's notes to readers.*****

* * *

**When Words Aren't Enough**

**Chapter One**

"Seriously, my mocha covered Stud, you need to talk to her," Penelope Garcia announced from her position in the doorway of Derek Morgan's office, her arms akimbo on her paisley covered hips. "It's been two weeks already."

Resisting the urge to bang his head against the desk, Derek Morgan forced himself to look up from the file he'd been pretending to study for the last hour. "Princess, we've had this conversation," Derek replied evenly, tempering his voice lest the well known Goddess standing in his office decide to go postal on his ass…again. "I've talked to her."

"About work," Garcia drawled helpfully, rolling her bright eyes as she lifted her hand to fluff her red hair.

"Work," he said, mimicking his best friend's tone, "is all Prentiss and I have in common anymore, Baby Girl. She made that call when she decided to let me believe she was dead."

"Look, Mr. Tall, Dark and Buffed, don't cop that attitude with me," Penelope warned, wagging a green-nailed finger in his direction. "We both know she couldn't tell anybody," she said for what felt like the five hundredth time in two weeks, exasperation filling her every word.

"And we both know that I wasn't just anybody," Derek replied, his jaw clenching as he forced the words out between them. "Evidently, I was just the guy fucking her."

"Ergggh," Garcia groaned, shoving her yellow glasses back up on her nose with a vicious jab of her forefinger, "You know, you guys might be a kickass bunch of crime fighters, but when it comes to managing your own lives, you suck!"

"Isn't that why we have you, Mama?" Derek asked, lifting an eyebrow and giving her a half smile.

"I'm sooooo glad you said that, my darling," she said, reaching an arm outside his office and snagging a reluctant arm that was apparently within close distance. "Get your shapely tuckus in here. Pronto," she ordered over her shoulder as she tugged an obviously reluctant Emily Prentiss inside Derek's office.

Looking between her two friends, Garcia frowned. Derek's face had turned thunderous and Emily looked like she might bolt if she didn't act quickly. "Derek, not a word!" Garcia said firmly, waving her free hand in wild circles in the air. "You two need to work this out," she insisted, shaking Emily's arm slightly. "It's not good for you...or the team...or mostly, for moi," she said, pressing her hand to her chest. "I'm getting worry lines here, babies," she said, gesturing at her face with a flair that would have made a Mary Kay rep proud.

"We're fine," Derek said sharply, rising behind his desk and crossing his arms defiantly over his chest. "Aren't we, Prentiss?" he asked, his eyes glittering dangerously as he eyed his former lover.

"Oh, SugarBear, I usually love the way you lie to me, but not today. And, seriously, Intimidation? Really? On us?" Garcia snorted in disgust, her green-lidded eyes narrowing sharply. "Sit your fine ass back in the chair, Morgan, before I decide to hurt somebody. Namely, you," she demanded.

Casting Emily a look that had withered violent unsubs in their tracks, he sat. Reluctantly. "Fine," he bit out, the one syllable gritted between his clenched teeth.

"That's better," Garcia purred as she favored him with a benevolent smile. "As I was saying, you two lovebirds need to clean your nest. Throw out all the bitterness. Clear the air," she ordered, pushing Emily in front of her. "Now, the Love Bunny and I," she said, jerking her chin toward the door where Kevin Lynch shifted nervously on his feet as he lifted a weak hand and waved at Derek, "have plans. I expect you two to sit down and hash this out between you like the adults I know you can be. Right, Kev?" she said with a wide smile, waiting for her significant other to side with her.

"I..uh...uhmmm," Kevin stuttered uncertainly, his eyes darting from his girlfriend to her armed best friends, trying to judge exactly who was more dangerous to him. Penelope, his mind screamed. Always, Penelope. "Yeah!" he said, decision made.

"See!" Garcia smiled as she spread her arms wide, "he agrees. Now, the Love Bunny and I are leaving. But just remember, anybody that messes with my bunny gets the ears," she said, pointing between her two colleagues. "You two think about that!" she said, walking backward out of the office and closing the door with a firm snap behind them.

"What the hell does that mean?" Emily asked finally, staring at the closed door as she shifted uncomfortably from one foot to another.

Ignoring the question, Derek glowered at Emily. "Don't know, don't care," he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Wait sixty seconds, then get the hell out of my office."

Lips tightening, Emily inhaled sharply, the hostility in his voice turning her blood to ice. "Derek..."

"Agent Morgan," he said coldly, resuming his seat behind the desk and picking up the file he'd been staring blindly at for the past hour, studiously avoiding her presence in his office. God damn it, he loved Baby Girl like another sister, but she'd crossed a line this time. Deliberately ambushing him with Emily...that was low.

And Penelope Garcia had pulled some low stunts in her time.

"Garcia thinks we should talk, and I agree with her," Emily said softly, clasping her sweaty hands behind her back as she stared at his bent head, silently willing him to look at her...to see her...really see her. Anything would be better than the dismissal she heard in his voice.

"Prentiss," Morgan said without looking up, his deep voice low and clipped, "Believe me when I tell you that you and I have nothing left to say unless it involves a case."

"You might not, but I do," Emily denied, taking a step forward as she squared her shoulders. She'd allowed him to avoid her for over two weeks. And, unsure how to breach the distance between them, she'd let him, unable to find even the tiniest breach in the wall he had erected. But after months away from him, she couldn't let these feelings fester any longer. Seeing him every day was torture...knowing how much he despised her was worse. At least if she let him blow up at her, the initial wave of emotion would be out in the open...where they could deal with it.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's Note: Hello, Friends. A couple of announcements for all of you. First, you still have approximately two weeks to sign up for "The Masquerade Challenge" for October's on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. We also have a "Freaky Friday" mini-challenge in progress for those interested. Details for both can be found at the forum. We'd love to have all of you sign up. I think we'll have a lot of fun this Halloween Season.**_

_**Second, you all have a little less than a month left to nominate stories for the second Annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards. The nomination ballot, rules and category summaries can be found at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To reach that post please either take a trip to the forum OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, Profiler's Choice CM Awards AND tonnie2001969. Nomination ballots should be PM'd to the Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or the profile pages listed above. PLEASE REMEMBER, WITHOUT NOMINATED STORIES, THERE CAN BE NO AWARDS! SO, PLEASE, COME OUT AND SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FANFIC AUTHORS AND NOMINATE THOSE STORIES. **_

_**ALSO, we would love for our fellow author's to assist us in advertising these awards! Please feel free to copy and paste anything in this author's note or contact us for a pre-written blurb if you like.**_

_**And, please, everyone, feel free to join us over on Facebook! Simply search for "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" and friend me. We have scores of authors connected together and we'd love to see you there! **_

_**As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!**_

_**And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!**_

_*******_** SPECIAL NOTE: For whatever reason, disabled the Profiler's Choice Awards PM system. That means all attempts to submit ballots failed from September 11 - 16. Could you all please help spread the word that anyone who tried to submit a ballot during this period listed above should RESEND their submissions. I am very sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. We really need help reaching all the different ships out there though. So, PLEASE, those willing to help, let me know if you can include this as part of your author's notes to readers.*****

* * *

**When Words Aren't Enough**

**Chapter Two**

"Is it about a case?" Derek snapped, lifting darkened eyes to glare across his desk at her.

"You know it isn't," Emily frowned as she felt her spine tighten, his gaze as lethal as any weapon she had ever faced.

"Then, fuck you," he snarled, his lips tightening into a grimace. "Get out."

"No," Emily snapped, her tone defiant as her shoulders stiffened. "If you want me to leave, you'll have to physically remove me, Morgan," she bit out, slamming her body into one of the visitor's chairs in front of his desk.

Eyes blazing, Derek clamped down on his jaw. "Prentiss, you don't want to start this," he warned dangerously, his nostrils flaring. "Not with me. Not today."

"You're right," Emily agreed evenly, crossing her legs as she prepared to settle in for the long haul. "I don't want to start this. I want to end it. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around you, waiting for Mount Morgan to blow his top. Just do it and get it over with," she demanded bravely, lifting her chin.

"What makes you think I care enough about you anymore to do that, Emily?" Derek asked softly, his tone lethal as he leaned his elbows on his desk, schooling his features. "You betrayed me. You betrayed all of us."

Blinking as she heard his dispassionate words, she assessed his bland face. So unlike him, he wore a neutral mask to hide his emotions. Licking her lips, she swallowed hard as she searched for an adequate explanation...something to assuage the bitterness between them. "I didn't want to," she finally said, the words as inadequate as any she had ever uttered. But at least, that much was completely true. Nothing about the last six months had been what she'd wanted.

"Which part?" Derek asked curiously, tapping his finger against his other hand. "The part where you lied to us about your past?"

"I never lied. I simply never discussed it. That operation was classified, Derek. Strictly classified," she informed him grimly. "And honestly, I tried to forget it. I'm not proud of the things I had to do. Don't misunderstand me," she said quickly when he snorted derisively, "I don't regret my actions. Because of what I did, Doyle was taken out of play for several years and a little boy got a shot at a normal life. That's the least I could have done for Declan. Judge me all you want," she finished as she shrugged stiffly. "You can't deny the facts. It was worth being Doyle's whore to get him."

The dim light from the lamp in the far corner flickered against her pale face, and he wondered if the shadows that were skirting around her had always been there or if he was just seeing them for the first time now. Shaking his head slowly, Derek muttered, "I didn't know you at all, did I?"

"Does what I chose to do years ago really change the person I was in your eyes with you, Derek?"

"You talk like there was an 'us', Prentiss," Derek laughed harshly, leaning back in his chair to stare at her. "But there wasn't. It was as much a lie as your life with Ian Doyle was."

"That isn't true," Emily replied sharply, leaning forward, her fist clenching against her leg. "We were real."

"So real that you couldn't tell me...me, Emily, the truth," Derek said, raising his voice as his eyes flashed. "I was the one person you should have confided in. Not Hotch. Not JJ. Me! But instead, you ran. You fucking ran."

"To keep everyone safe," Emily defended herself as she shook her head, her dark hair swishing against her stiff shoulders.

"That's a fucking cop out and you know it. We deserved better than that. I, sure as hell know that I deserved better. We were fucking lovers, Emily. And you let me believe you were dead! You wrecked me, god damn you! So, don't sit here now and tell me you did it for my own good. You did it for your own selfish reasons. You could have faced me...at least let me in on the truth. But, you didn't. You chose to include Hotch and JJ on your little scheme, but not the guy that was fucking you."

"Derek..."

"No!" he shouted, slamming a fist against his desk, scattering papers everywhere. "You wanted this. You can listen to it. I could get past the fact that you fucked a terrorist for a year. Like you said, it was a job, right? But I wasn't a fucking job, Em. I was your partner, in the field and out. And you let me agonize for months, blaming myself for not doing more to save you. You let me believe the lie. You had a choice about that, Prentiss. Take responsibility for it," he demanded irately, his hand sweeping against the flung documents that soon fell to the floor.

Her eyes stung and she blinked rapidly to quell her tears as his the waves of his anger assaulted her with a force that would rival the greatest tsunami. "Are you under some delusion that the choice I made was easy, Derek?" Emily forced herself to whisper, meeting his gaze.

"You didn't exactly mull the decision, did you?" he snapped, narrowing an eye on her as he watched her face start to crumple. "In fact, I think you had made your decision when you left for Boston on your own all those months ago."

"You're right," Emily muttered as she nodded. "I had made a decision then. I was going to do whatever I had to in order to stop Ian," she said flatly. "I just never expected to live through it. In case it escaped your attention, few do."

"And you were dead ass set on doing it alone then, too," Derek said with a humorless smile, his teeth flashing for a bare second. "The Lone fucking Ranger riding to the rescue. You had a whole team that would have backed your ass up, Prentiss. More importantly, you had me."

"I know," Emily stated simply. "It was one of the motivating factors for leaving."

"Excuse me?" Derek growled, abruptly leaning forward in his chair.

"You heard me," Emily retorted, her heart thumping in her chest as she watched his handsome face tighten. He had only himself to blame; he'd asked for the truth. Now, he had to hear it. Or, better yet, actually listen to it.

"Explain," Derek ordered tersely, tapping a blunt fingertip against his desk forcefully.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Author's Note: Hello, Friends. A couple of announcements for all of you. First, you still have approximately two weeks to sign up for "The Masquerade Challenge" for October's on "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. We also have a "Freaky Friday" mini-challenge in progress for those interested. Details for both can be found at the forum. We'd love to have all of you sign up. I think we'll have a lot of fun this Halloween Season.**_

_**Second, you all have a little less than a month left to nominate stories for the second Annual Profiler's Choice CM Awards. The nomination ballot, rules and category summaries can be found at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" forum. To reach that post please either take a trip to the forum OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, Profiler's Choice CM Awards AND tonnie2001969. Nomination ballots should be PM'd to the Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or the profile pages listed above. PLEASE REMEMBER, WITHOUT NOMINATED STORIES, THERE CAN BE NO AWARDS! SO, PLEASE, COME OUT AND SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FANFIC AUTHORS AND NOMINATE THOSE STORIES. **_

_**ALSO, we would love for our fellow author's to assist us in advertising these awards! Please feel free to copy and paste anything in this author's note or contact us for a pre-written blurb if you like.**_

_**And, please, everyone, feel free to join us over on Facebook! Simply search for "Ilovetvalot Fanfiction" and friend me. We have scores of authors connected together and we'd love to see you there! **_

_**As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!**_

_**And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!**_

_*******_** SPECIAL NOTE: For whatever reason, disabled the Profiler's Choice Awards PM system. That means all attempts to submit ballots failed from September 11 - 16. Could you all please help spread the word that anyone who tried to submit a ballot during this period listed above should RESEND their submissions. I am very sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. We really need help reaching all the different ships out there though. So, PLEASE, those willing to help, let me know if you can include this as part of your author's notes to readers.*****

* * *

**When Words Aren't Enough**

**Chapter Three**

"Doyle wasn't just killing the operatives that were involved in his initial takedown, Derek," Emily reminded him softly, the mere fact of even discussing those memories harder than she had expected. "He was erasing their entire family. Men...women...children...it didn't matter to him. He was going to make as many people pay as possible. If he'd realized that you and I were lovers...who do you think his number one target would have been?"

Shaking his head quickly as he attempted to comprehend what he had just heard, Derek held up a hand. "You should have allowed me to make a choice, Emily."

"Maybe," Emily said weakly, grimacing as she lifted a hand to rub her forehead nervously. "I don't know. At the time, I was trying to keep everyone safe, Derek. Especially you. I knew I'd brought this on our team...and after Foyet...I didn't want to watch any of you suffer again."

"So you thought dying was the way to accomplish that?" he gaped, doubt coloring his words.

"It was a way to make sure everyone stayed alive until we could work a solid plan to capture Doyle," Emily replied truthfully, willing him with every fiber of her being to understand her reasoning.

"But you told Hotch...and JJ," Derek accused bitterly, his eyes boring into hers. And for a bare moment, he remembered staring into that beautiful gaze at another time…when they had both truly felt that they didn't have a care in the world. But that seemed like light years ago.

"JJ is the one that worked the deal with State," Emily murmured. "And she made the decision to read in Hotch."

"But you could have included me, Emily," Derek said softly. "I would have..."

"What, Derek?" Emily asked desperately, her hands clutched in her lap. "You would have allowed your sisters to think you were dead? Your mother? Garcia? Your family would have actually given a damn! Mine," she laughed a little hysterically, "didn't even bother to show up to my alleged funeral!"

"I..." Derek floundered, her words hitting their intended target, his own heart telling him that she was speaking the truth.

"It was bad enough that I was having to make that call. I didn't want you to have to face that decision, too. So I made a choice and prayed that one day you'd forgive me for it," she continued quickly, gaining steam, her breaths coming as rapidly as her words. "As you stated dozens of times, the team barely withstood the loss of one team member. How do you think they would have handled this happening to two of us? Believe me or not, I was trying to protect as many people as I could. It was by no means a perfect plan, but it was the best I could do."

"Jesus, Emily," Derek groaned, scrubbing a hand over his worn face as he finally faced the side of this he hadn't wanted to see. Nothing was black and white here, no pun intended. Her arguments defined the murky grey that his life had been consumed by for months.

Those shadows…they were real. And they blurred every defined line he had ever counted on in his life.

"Derek, if the situation had been reversed," Emily asked quietly, her eyes beseeching him to at least try to understand, "what would you have done?"

Staring at her for several tension fraught moments, he finally said truthfully, "I would have done whatever I had to do to keep you safe...even if you hated me for it."

"So here we are," Emily whispered, biting her lower lip as he slowly exhaled a long breath on the other side of the desk. She waited for him to speak...to say something...anything...to fill the silence. But he remained silent, staring into space as the clock on his desk quietly ticked off the seconds. "I wouldn't have had the strength to do anything I did if I hadn't loved you, Derek," Emily offered almost inaudibly.

Watching as he squeezed his eyes shut, Emily choked back a sob. Her admission hadn't changed anything, she thought sadly. Pulling in a deep breath, she gripped the arms of her chair and forced her body to move. "I've said everything I can," she whispered before turning toward the closed door. "I'll go."

He could have sworn he heard her heart break as she choked out those last words. Bolting out of his chair as her hand reached for the brass door knob, he knew he couldn't let her leave...not like this. "Emily, wait!" he said with an explosion of breath.

Quickly wiping the tears on her cheek before she turned, Emily shook her head wearily. "I get it, Derek. Words aren't enough. What counted were my actions. I just had to try to make you see my side of things."

"Did you mean what you said?" he asked hoarsely, his hands clenching and unclenching at her side.

"What?"

"That you loved me," Derek clarified, never taking his eyes off of hers.

"Yes," Emily whispered, her heart shining in her eyes. "That's the one thing I can tell you without reservation, Derek."

Blowing out a long breath as he stared into her soft brown eyes, Derek swallowed. "You're right," he said with a slow nod. "Words aren't enough, Emily. But your actions...they were noble. Stupid and shitty, but noble."

"Okay," Emily replied nervously, trying to remain still under the intensity of his focused eyes. "Does that mean you forgive me?" she asked faintly, hope warring with reality as she waited.

Taking a step toward her, Derek looked down into her hopeful eyes. "It means that I love you, too," he returned. "Forgiveness will come in time."

"I can wait," Emily whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek, tracking against her pale skin. "All I want is another chance, Derek."

"I think that's what we all want, Emily," Derek sighed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into his embrace. "One more chance to get things right," he murmured, resting his chin against her head as he tightened his arms around her, tucking her as close as he could manage. "Somebody once told me that forgiving is not forgetting. It's letting go of the hurt. I think I can do that now, Emily," Morgan whispered against her silky hair.

"Thank you," Emily breathed, burying her face against his neck, her words lost against his skin as she felt his hand bury in her hair.

And for them, no other words needed to be said. Their hearts had finally spoken.

_**Finis**_


End file.
